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Musing XIII: Geisha, Guru, Tomayto, Tomahto...

After a week-long date with a longstanding friend (for the sake of discreet nomenclature let's call him Alpha), I recall a comment he made on the last day of our trip: "You are the only person who cares about what I want and understands me." The rest of the world perceives him as an incandescently brilliant genius who has all the credibility of a shrewd baron moonlighting as a bad-boy renegade with rockstar tendencies. I, however, have the unique honor to know the man behind the popular Google searches tagging his name with the inquiring phrase "net worth" or the implicitly sordid articles featured on page six and industry blogs managed by envious plebs. Even after several months of extended dates and international trips together, Alpha was still resistant to opening up -- emotionally, at least. Yet I've never been one to back down from a challenge; I thrive on overcoming them. Fast forward two years later, I've evolved to the position of his Erato, dichotomously a hybrid protege, and his deepest confidant in all ways that that reverential classification would suggest. We operate at a zenith whereby the respect and admiration for each other is equally reciprocated and wholly mutual.

Why are companions so special? Why are we distinctively unique from, and subjectively superior to, "normal" women? Why do you willingly and happily shell out those green-faced Benjamins to engage us -- other than the obvious reason that we are beautiful, genetically-blessed specimens? Here's my take. My feelings align with my actions. I make no attempt to deceive you. I won’t manipulate your emotions. I won’t use cookie-cutter ways "normal" women might employ to figure out how to bewitch you. There is a basic sense of integrity here, a seeming refusal to use underhanded methods. When we say we prefer longer dates to "build a connection", it's easy for suitors to dismiss that claim and to assume that we are strictly motivated by economic ambition. That's definitely true in part since we all likely subscribe to Milton Friedman's syndicate of capitalism. But it cannot be the only impetus. Have you ever had a more enjoyable time in an hour, as opposed to a multi-hour or multi-day date? The obvious answer applies to both parties involved. An economic force may have been the initial incentive, but calibrated tiers exist in this sphere like any other realm of society. An elite companion will not only possess but epitomize all the qualities so desired by the opposite sex. She is not only beautiful but articulate, intelligent, nurturing, confident, and fem-empowered. We are unique from the norm in that way. There is also an element of openness & willingness that is so distinctly rare, a striking vulnerability to be an island of authenticity in a sea of the simulacra and ocean of plasticity.

Companions exist because society needs us to make the world a better, happier place. The first thing I consider when I'm with a suitor is how to make that person feel good, how to make him want me and, in turn, feel wanted. I've always had a profound gift to connect with and beguile (in the best way) anyone I encounter. If I am able to give that kind of ideal experience to another person and decide not to do so just because I don't necessarily need to, then there’s no way that I am not being tragically selfish. Seduction, romance, and relationships are all about pleasure -- and pleasure is an EXPERIENCE, not a result. The slow and picked-out long-form game of guessing how to twist and bend each other’s reactions is at least interesting as sex, and a lot harder to come by. More importantly, it makes the actual sex far more meaningful and interesting when it does happen. I’m not saying that sex needs to be emotionally connected to be good. I certainly have not found that those two things had a direct causal correlation. But sex should always be compelling. It should be more than a need fulfilled or a functional gratification. Those basic utilities are why we masturbate. If all we wanted was the simplest way to experience sexual fulfillment, we’d just stay home with our doors locked and our porn queue stacked. We want to be manipulated; we want to be frustrated; we want to pursue and be pursued, we want to experience resistance and strategize past it, we want to attempt resistance and fail. We want someone to create a fantasy for us, whether they do so in a five minute pick-up or a year-long courtship.

Being Grace, in the simplest and most basic modus operandi, is the act of considering and executing on what you want. Even the most guarded person like Alpha will constantly give you clues as to what he desires and how he wants to be cared for. In all of our relationships, we should strive to be mind-readers. It isn’t some magical power that's impossible to attain. It’s simply about paying attention. There are clues in what they say to you, what they say to others and what they tell you about others, what stories they choose to tell and the way that they choose to tell them. More importantly, there are clues in the stories and details, and the words and phrases that they repeat (since everyone tends to repeat themselves and communicate in patterns). There are clues in what they wear, what they order at a restaurant, and what clichés they employ or imitate. There is no action anyone takes that isn’t a clue; clues are flying out like a spray-paint mist in every moment that you are in someone else’s presence. When you’re really lucky the clues will be intentional; when you’re really, really lucky, your partner will be self-aware, clear-eyed and brave enough to actually communicate their needs directly. However, unless you’re on a date with one of the five most self-aware people on Earth, what they say about their needs will probably be less accurate than the clues that they drop accidentally. Even with an incredibly communicative partner, it is still paramount to pay attention and to model your actions and reactions on their unconscious subtleties. Fantasy is personal and specific -- to captivate someone you have to find and open a window into their minds. To accomplish that end-goal, you have to pay attention and take your cues from them.

For Alpha, I provide solace and a judgment-free escape from a world that expects him to be a model of cerebral invincibility and steel-plated masculinity. For all of my wonderful suitors, I aim to repair them from the punches of reality. That often requires a level of fantastical guise since our dynamic isn’t expected to be two-sided. As a result, I won’t come to you with my troubles or commingle my two worlds. I neither perpetuate nor harbor quixotic expectations, even when the mutual fondness grows. While that level of intimacy can be beautiful and create depth in a relationship, it’s not what you need. Most of you have a wife, beloved children and lives that are rich and fulfilling — but I can serve an area that requires attention. So we learn to compartmentalize our connection. Through this experience, we can feel more complete. Passion can grow, even at a distance. Intimacy can be achieved, even when time and emotional dependency are limited. I jokingly said to a suitor that I draw lines between Church and State. Grace is "Church" -- a temporary respite that I personally find sacred and divine. State encompasses the rest -- my financial obligations, my concerns, and all the stressors that come with trying to operate at optimal human efficiency. By this deliberate separation of my two worlds, I've become more self-aware and compassionate than I was prior to the creation of my alter ego. I've learned to be more patient, more open-minded and uninhibited, less emotionally selfish, to listen with purpose and to pay attention.

My charm is intentional and my seduction is curated -- but not in the least bit disingenuous. I study what makes you tick and I reflect on the cues that you give me, especially the ones that you may display subconsciously. This gives me the capacity of diagnosing what stimulates, excites and provides comfort for you. Via concentrated effort and thoughtful intent, I begin to understand you and hopefully at a certain point know you better than you may even know yourself. In intimate relationships, often times it's easier to codify our partners than to give ourselves a self-evaluation with an open, unadulterated mind that allows us to declare proudly and shamelessly: “This is what I desire.” I can cultivate that desire in a prolonged and lingering manner, generating and channeling my innately enticing energy in a way that produces tremendous good. If we are both lucky, I become not only an executor of your most personalized fantasies but also a consummate therapist and fidus Achates -- who just happens to look phenomenal in a lingerie set. These are some of the most enjoyable feelings available to us as human beings, and at their peak they are rare, addictive, and above all, glorious.

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